The college hierarchy

The Dean...


•Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;

•Is more powerful than a locomotive;

•Is faster than a speeding bullet;

•Walks on water;

•Gives policy to God.

Head of Department...

•Leaps short buildings with a single bound;

•Is more powerful than a switch engine;

•Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;

•Takes a few steps on water;

•Talks with God.

Professor...

•Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;

•Is almost as powerful as a switch engine;

•Is faster than a speeding BB;

•Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool;

•Talks with God if a special request is honored.

Associate Professor...

•Barely clears a quonset hut;

•Loses tug of war with a locomotive;

•Can fire a speeding bullet;

•Swims well;

•Is occasionally addressed by God.

Lecturer...

•Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap over tall buildings;

•Is run over by locomotives;

•Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury;

•Treads water.

Instructor...

•Climbs walls continually;

•Rides the rails;

•Plays Russian Roulette;

•Walks on thin ice;

•Prays a lot.

Graduate Student...

•Runs into buildings;

•Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;

•Is not issued ammunition;

•Can stay afloat with a life jacket;

•Talks to walls.

Undergraduate Student...

•Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings;

•Says "Look at the choo-choo";

•Wets himself with a water pistol;

•Plays in mud puddles;

•Mumbles to himself.